you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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