i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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