Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
