I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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