party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
