there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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