I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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