I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
