that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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