We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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