i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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