i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
