when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You work out of a Hotel?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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