A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
