Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
