I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
