No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sext me about skeletons
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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