google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
