He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
