my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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