i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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