he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
