So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
