I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
