I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize