I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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