Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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