I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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