do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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