I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
