So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
