I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
