The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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