Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
