On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
