Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
