i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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