You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
