so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
