I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
