I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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