he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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