Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am naked and annoyed.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
