the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
