I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
