So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
