It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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