i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't trust your balls anymore.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
