I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
