just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
