it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
