brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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