his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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