she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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