I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
