my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
