Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
