This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
