we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
