His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize