I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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