An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
