I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
