I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize