We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
