dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
