Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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