Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
