I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
