She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
