He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
