I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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