Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
