What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I want her autograph on my taint
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
