we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize