If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
