he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
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You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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