a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
