Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
