All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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