Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Someone shit on the floor
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
