people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
