I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
