I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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