pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
