You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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