Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
