Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
