I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
