Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
