My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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