I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
