I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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