So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
