I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
