I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
