so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
