Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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