Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
