My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
