Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
