So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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