I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
