we have pet lesbian snakes
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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