i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
