You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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