I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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