the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
