grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
