New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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