too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
