Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
